Confessions of a recovering people-pleaser

Proverbs 29:25 (NKJ) "The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe."

The juice is not worth the squeeze.

It is vital to cultivate genuine love and respect for others to avoid offending. Having a basic consideration for others is essential for building healthy relationships. However, it's also important to recognize when we're falling into the trap of unhealthy people-pleasing.

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As a recovering people-pleaser, I can spot the sneaky traps of trying too hard to make everyone happy. One of the trickiest traps is realizing that the juice of people-pleasing ain't worth the squeeze. By that, I mean the unhealthy, guilt-driven, fear-fueled urge to bend over backwards, compromise my values, and juggle my priorities to make someone like or respect me.

It's people pleasing at its finest—or should I say, its funniest!

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A subtle trap of unhealthy people-pleasing is when we go out of our way to satisfy others. We end up merely fulfilling their expectations, which leaves a sense of obligation met rather than appreciation for our efforts. People-pleasers crave that appreciation; we make personal sacrifices and endure stress to make others happy. However, this only breeds a sense of entitlement in others, and we find ourselves continually doing these acts of service to keep them satisfied.

The effort necessary to squeeze this orange is not worth the juice it produces!

When we spend our lives focused on pleasing others in hopes of receiving personal recognition or a pat on the back, and we want to hear “atta boy", we fall into a trap. The truth is, we are not shown deep appreciation because, to them, we merely met an expectation. A heartfelt thank-you is not given because we have not provided a blessing; we've simply fulfilled an expectation. And here is the reality: if we are hurt, it's not their fault because of being unappreciative; it's our fault for having an unjustified expectation and possibly even a misguided motivation.

If you do not struggle with people-pleasing, much of what I just wrote will not make sense, but if you do struggle, I hope I have struck a chord.

Here is my main takeaway: Our desire to please others comes from a good place, and we should all show consideration for others, but as Myles Monroe once said, “Even the truth taken to an extreme can become error.” If our motivation to please people comes from a need to produce a sense of worth, value, respect, or honor from others, then please stop it!

“If it is just to impress, is it worth the stress?"

I personally overcome the snare of people-pleasing by being motivated with a desire to please God, to model Christ-likeness, and to let my life be a witness to others.

I recognize my worth, value, respect, and honor, not because of how I perform, but simply because I am His Child.

Ultimately, I remind myself daily that my Identity is not based on the people I please, but in Who I belong to. 

If you struggle as a people-pleaser, make 2026 the year you turn a corner and stop trying to produce something in your life that only God can bestow, whether it be people-pleasing, achievement, validation, recognition, title, or status.

True value is not in what we do, but in Whose we are.